100 Things You can Know About a Boy That Aren't His Hair

Dear [REDACTED]

I hear you. There's a lot of hot guys to browse through and, honestly, if you think a boy is handsome, you should probably tell him.

Unlike girls, boys don't 't grow up with someone saying, "You're so pretty!" every five minutes. If you tell a boy you think he's good looking, it'll fill his sails probably for the rest of his life.

But here's the thing: how a guy looks is the least interesting thing about him. And if you flit through the world shrieking, "Oh my GAWD! He's so HAWWWWT!" not only will serious guys not take your seriously, you'll also miss out on the CRAZY depth of most men.

Men are not complex, but we do have layerslayers that have been laid down by years and years of story. So if you want to get really see a boy, then you have to be willing to spend time in the layers and hear the stories that formed them.

To show you what I mean, I've written up 100 things you can now about a boy that have nothing to do with his looks.

Okay, except for the very last one. I guess that makes 101 things you can know.

I've grouped them in fact-opinions-feelings layers.

Pro tip: Start at the top. Don't be the girl who plunges straight to feelings and start tearing away. Buddy will flee from you.

But also, don't sit the surface and wonder why guys are so shallow. They're not. They open up when they feel safe.

What I've seen work is just sitting peacefully and comfortably at the fact layer and allowing yourself to sink deeper as you show yourself to be safe enough to be let deeper.

FACTS

1. What are his top four skills? How did he get them?
2. What sports does he play?
3. What art does he do?
4. Has he ever learned to cook?
5. How did he learn to drive? 
6. How often does he game and with whom?
7. What’s the last book he read?
8. Which YouTube channels has he watched this week?
9. Does he care for any pets? What’s that relationship like?
10. What’s the last thing he fixed?
11. What’s the nicest/coolest mode of transportation he’s ever driven/piloted?
12. What’s the last thing he donated to?
13. What’s something he’s trying to master right now?
14. Does he have a political party affiliation? Why or why not?
15. Is he saving up to buy anything right now?
16. What’s a dish his mom made that he hated? Did he ever tell her?
17. What has been his best and/or favorite workout routine?
18. What’s the story of his last trip to the ER/Urgent Care? How many times has he gone?
19. What was one of the best conversations he’s had with a stranger?
20. Has he ever given money to a pan handler? How about a busker? Salvation Army Santa?
21. What’s his “everyday” drink of choice?
22. Has he ever been on staff/a counselor at a summer camp? What did he learn?
23. What does he browse for on Facebook Marketplace?
24. Has he ever taught a class and/or skill? What was that like? Would he do it again?
25. How often does he hang out with friends? What do they typically do?
26. Does he own any instruments? Can he play them?
27. Does he financially support anyone on Patreon/Google/Twitch?
28. When he’s stuck inside because of a snow storm and the electrocity goes out, what does he do?
29. What’s the largest and/or smallest creature he’s ever caught? How about ridden?
30. What are the latest three songs/albums/playlist on his “Recently Played”?
31. What’s one of his most prized possession?
32. Has he ever tried to make a video for a YouTube or TikTok channel?
33. How quickly could he pack for a three day trip? What would he take?
34. How does he interact with little kids? Bigger kids? Why?
35. Does he own any camouflage? What does he use it for?
36. What does he have in all his pockets and strapped to his body right now?

OPINIONS

1. What is a skill he’d like to learn and why?
2. Who would he vote for president and why?
3. What does he have to pay for that he HATES paying for?
4. Does he like his job? His boss? His co-workers?
5. What sports does he enjoy?
6. Who would he say are the best three comedians working today? Who are his three favorites (dead or alive)
7. Would he rather watch a movie or a TV show? If TV, does he prefer episodic or serialized stories?
8. Would he rather road trip, hike, or stay home?
9. What’s his top three favorite books?
10. Does he prefer console or PC? Why?
11. Who is his favorite teacher/preacher and why?
12. Who are some of his favorite YouTube/Social media influencers he most enjoys and why? Which ones would he most like to be like?
13. What’s his favorite poem?
14. What does he like/not like about his church?
15. If you gave him $10,000 and he had to spend it by the end of the day, what would he spend it on?
16. How often does he try to impress the adults around him? What does he do?
17. What are the pros and cons of Raising Canes vs Chick-fil-a?
18. If he were BY HIMSELF and could only pick ONE, would he rather go to an art gallery, museum, symphony, opera, musical, or play?
19. If he were BY HIMSELF and could only pick ONE, would he rather go to a football, basketball, baseball, hockey, soccer, or lacrosse game?
20. If he were at a wedding BY HIMSELF and could only pick ONE, would he rather hit the dance floor, hang out at the bar, sneak to the coffee shop across the street, or dip to a fishing stream across town?
21. What was his favorite camp to go to and why?
22. What does he think about the homeless crisis? Any thoughts on how to help?
23. What’s his favorite book and/passage of the Bible? What’s his most confusing?
24. Has he thought about growing a beard/shaving his beard? Why or why not?
25. What languages has he studied and which did he like the best?
26. What’s his favorite type of card game? Board game? Party game? 
27. What were his three scariest moments?
28. What did he love about where he grew up? What did he hate?
29. What’s his favorite tool?
30. What’s his favorite holiday drink? What’s his favorite summer drink?

FEELINGS

1. What’s something he’s made that he’s most proud of and 
2. What’s something he’s fixed that he’s most proud of and why?
3. What’s something he’s broken that he’s most embarrassed about?
4. When was a time he rescued somebody? How did it affect him?
5. How does he feel about his mom? His dad? His siblings?
6. Who is his closest friend and why?
7. When is the last time he cried and why?
8. What was the biggest mistake he’s made and what were the consequences?
9. What are his salvation and baptism stories? In what ways did his life change and stay the same after them?
10. How does he feel about school? How has this feeling changed/stayed the same over time?
11. How angry does he get at other drivers and how often?
12. When/where has he felt most alone? Why?
13. When/where was his last, best prayer time?
14. Who was his favorite teacher and how do they influence him?
15. What’s his relationship with his grandparents like?
16. Who does he go to when he needs “real life” help and advice? How did that relationship form?
17. What are some of his jobs/roles where he’s felt the most competent?
18. What has been his biggest disappointment in life so far?
19. How does he relax and find peace? How often?
20. With whom does he feel the safest? Why?
21. Has he or any of his friends been to war? What was his experience? What was it like to get his Select Service registration?
22. Which movies/songs/artwork get him in the feels?
23. What causes him to sincerely apologize? How often does he apologize?
24. What’s the last big fight he had? How did it go? Why did it go that way?
25. Who is the scariest person he knows? Kindest? Most generous?
26. What does he think is the most broken thing about the world? Does it make him feel angry or sad? Why?
27. How does he feel when he loses? When he wins?
28. Has he seen death? What was it like? How did it affect him? How did he share the experience with those around him?
29. Does he have a White Whale? Does he know it’s a White Whale?
30. How would he respond to someone crying? Screaming? Sitting alone?
31. What does “repentance” mean to him? How often does he so it?
32. When he gets low, what’s his strategy for “not following the lights”?
33. What sparks him into spontaneous, explosive, celebration?
34. What makes him laugh?
35. How does he feel about the way he looks? What does he like? What does he hate?

That's just the start. If you want a fun experiment, just pick one and find the answer from five different guys. There's nothing funnier than when we all do the exact same thing (the "What's in your pockets right now?" is my favorite. You're not ready for the answers, I promise).

Also, be careful with these. They can be powerful.

See him but don't judge him. Don’t explore the stories under these questions to accept or reject him. Accept the invitations into these stories because you've have already accepted him and just want to discover the stories that have shapes him into the man God is making him.

If you make a habit of that, you're going to start seeing guys way differently. And you're going to like what you see a lot.